friday the 95th

i guess its the transit period between winter and spring that seems to be one mostly filled with nostalgia. trying to open all the windows, feel the fresh air, but when i do its still too cold and im left feeling numb and cheated.
this blog? i think the idea is to satisfy the quiet need for "something more" inside. those thoughts we keep hidden afraid of what they mean, what they can turn into if we speak them out loud. just a bit of truth in a world that hates it more than anything. its so much easier to do things when you know your anonymous, although the reality is harsh: you never really are, because in the end who wants to be a coward in their own eyes..?
so just a bit about me. me. thats the part i was waiting for. or not really, i feel nervous trying to describe myself in any way, labels and stereotypes seem to be something i prefer hidding behind than actually belonging to. just be an individual for gods sake, be something different.
im NOT. all the best things have already been discovered: gold paint markers, perfume, dressing up in chanel for croissant-breakfast in bed, the 80s, faux fur, impressionism, the italian language, whipped cream, James Dean..dont even get me started.
but lets just run through the basics: a happy middle-class family, one brother (that makes us the standard 2+2), one cat, the dog died (it made me happy in a way, i was under the impression that he had these eternally sad eyes, as if he missed a turn, missed a life and ended up in our backyard)
getting more complicated..im 18, at univeristy, which i hate honestly, im stuck in all the wrong places, im wasting so many opportunities living in london and being able to still feel depressed and bored.
i like fun, i am the messiest person i know, i invent words constantly, i subscribe to tens of mailing lists from which i get daily messages and dont ever bother reading them (how much easier would unsubscribing be, i wonder, but no).
finally, if youre going to remember anything from my post..i like looking at the world through windows.